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Stopping Hurtful Behavior in a Loving Way

9/1/2016

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Lots of the time, when a child is upset, it's possible to be with them and allow them to be upset without doing anything. We are so conditioned to do something--to explain, fix, teach, scold, or change our child's experience, but those things rarely work well. And just being present and loving can work amazingly well! It allows a child to feel upset and loved at the same time, which is really healing.

There are times when it's not enough to 'be there' when our kids are upset. If your toddler is throwing shoes, they need you to step in and stop them. Not by lecturing or threatening or bargaining, but just by holding their hands steady and saying something simple like "Not safe." We can stay near them lovingly and stop them from hurting anyone with their shoes.

If your children are fighting with and hurting each other, it's not enough to sit nearby and love them. Love them in a protective way by holding them each with one arm or sitting between them. You can say firmly, "I see how angry you both are. Let me keep you safe."

This is the same practice that I wrote about in yesterday's post, 'To 'Be There' Rather Than Separate or Teach or Fix,' we're just doing it a little more actively. Holding a safe and loving space for our children is possible even in very intense circumstances. We can learn to keep kids safe at the same time that we are loving and accepting. Stopping hurtful behavior can be done in a loving way.

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    About Gloria:

    My life and work are guided by the these core understandings: that all beings (including me!) are capable of transformation and joy, that healthy parenting matters profoundly, and that simple practices can support each of us.

    I'm a mom of two young adults and a mindfulness practitioner on a spiritual path. I've found these journeys to be interconnected and mutually supportive. Together, they are challenging, rich, inspiring, and surprising, every single day.

    Practicing mindfulness helps me find peace with myself, my family, my life, and this messy world day by day.


    I teach mindfulness and mindful parenting classes and work with individuals sharing what I've learned over my twelve years of practicing mindfulness, twenty years of parenting, thirty years of teaching, and fifty years of living.

    I am grateful to be part of Soul Source, a community consortium that provides teachings and tools designed to inspire participants to live more consciously and to pass that wisdom and inspiration on to others. 

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