I don't know how to sit with what is going on in the world (the Las Vegas shooting, yes, and the people who are suffering in Puerto Rico and Mexico City and Florida and Texas, and the Royingya people and all refugees, and all who are worried about threats of nuclear war, and all that is heartless in our world) and be present with it today.
I can't take it in.
I tried to meditate, but can't really sit still.
I can't even feel anything right now, and that disgusts me.
Even though I want my heart to be open to the world, it isn't. Instead, I am sitting with my own numbness and allowing it to be what it is right now. That's a way that I can love this messy, flawed world, by sitting quietly with my own inadequacy and imperfection. By slowing down enough to be with myself as I actually am right now. By making space for this moment as it is, even though I want it to be different on so many levels.
I sat down to write this in case you, too, are struggling with your reactions to what is going on in our world today. Please, if you are finding it hard accept what is happening and how you are feeling, join me in turning toward yourself for a few minutes and holding your feelings (whatever they are) in loving presence. Sit with your anger, your fear, your heartbreak, whatever you feel. Even numbness responds to loving presence with time. Let's feel so that we can respond heartfully rather than react impulsively to the needs of humanity and the earth.
I'm a mom, wife, daughter, friend, and teacher who has long struggled with the desire to be the perfect person I imagine that I should be. Practicing mindfulness helps me find peace with my imperfect journey--being with myself as I truly am, loving my family as they are, and showing up for a messy world with openness and compassion.