Words that Disconnect

True connection and intimacy are essential for human beings. They develop when we slow down and listen deeply to each other. 

This week's posts have clustered around the issue of dealing with our kids when they're emotional. Today, we're considering some 'don'ts' because that can help make all of the 'do's' clearer. 

Don't teach, explain and help. Maybe you've heard or said things like these:

• "You know, I think you would feel better if  ______."
• "When this happened to me I just ______"
• "It's better if you _______"
• "Let me call his mom, she'll talk some sense into him!"

Don't deny/distract:

• "There's nothing to cry about."
• "It's not a big deal."
• "Here, have a cookie."
• "It's going to all work out for the best."

Don't hurry them:

• "Okay, just take a deep breath."
• "Can you pull yourself together?"
• "Shake it off, let's go ________"

Don't shut them out:

• "You need to go to your room until you calm down."
• "I can't hear you when you whine." 

• "I can't deal with you when you act like this."

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