THE IMPERFECT JOURNEY
  • Home
  • Counseling
    • Resources
  • Parenting
  • Astrology
    • Register
    • Astrology information form
  • About
  • Blog

Setting Limits

4/29/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
“Each of you is perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement.”
Shunryu Suzuki


When a small child is angry, we can tell! They may lash out, hitting or kicking to express the uncomfortable feeling they're having. They may yell or cry. The feeling they are having is important! It tells them there's a problem.  As children develop, they can learn to understand the feeling and take care of it without necessarily acting it out.


We help them to do this by listening to and acknowledging their feelings. We help them recognize the discomfort that underlies actions by slowing down, getting on to their physical level, and being interested in their feelings. We attune to their feeling, providing the template for them to become aware of their own feelings. Over time and with support, their awareness grows so that they can choose how to respond to the feeling rather than act on it impulsively.

At the same time, we can and should help children to stop their bodies from hurting us or other people. When a child has an angry outburst, we have an important role. We can stay close to them, setting a limit by holding them in a firm and loving way. "I'm here, I'll sit and hold you until you're safe to stop kicking." We can offer an acceptable alternative to hitting--"Here, I'll hold you and you push my arms as hard as you can. Now pull." This allows them to use up the physical energy that comes with being upset without hurting anyone. We can help them to take big breaths or do lion's breath to channel the energy. Children can learn practices that help them handle their feelings.

Each child's nature is perfect and wonderful. They come into the world needing support, though, needing loving connection and guidance to handle the complicated feelings and ideas that come up in them. That's part of the 'little improvement' that Shunryu Suzuki speaks of. Adults are the same, already wonderful and needing a little improvement through love, guidance, and support.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    About Gloria:

    I'm a person on a messy journey--healing, learning, discovering and rediscovering. Sharing, writing, talking, and teaching help me to understand myself and the world more clearly. I hope it can help make your journey a easier, too.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    April 2022
    March 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2020
    September 2019
    August 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Adolescence
    Awareness
    Boundaries
    Communication
    Control
    Curiosity
    Discipline
    Emotions
    Gratitude
    Imperfection
    Interdependence
    Love
    Mindfulness
    Over-thinking
    Peace
    Poetry
    Presence
    Recommended Books
    Routines
    Self Care
    Small Moments
    Sovereignty
    Strategies
    Stress
    Teaching
    The Shadow

Join email list

* indicates required

Gloria Shepard, M. Ed.

215 313-8587
gloriashepard@gmail.com


“The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

Photos used under Creative Commons from kellynphillong, baofengwuya, benjaflynn, adrianvfloyd, @lattefarsan, Toon van Dijk - Art, Jeromy_S, Infomastern, Aaron T. Goodman, built4love.hain, MaxIFaleel, Nick Harris1, Agnes_F, Pai Shih, Sten Dueland, astrologyphotographywesildssharon, donnierayjones, amira_a, www.FrancescoToluPhotography.com, US Department of Education, Bev Goodwin, Michel Curi, byzantiumbooks, Life Lenses, x1klima, la cegna, Franklin Park Library, Bambi Corro, Jerk Alert Productions, young@art, Army Medicine, built4love.hain, Brian Lane Winfield Moore, asim chaudhuri(anurupa_chowdhury_yahoo.co.in, Malmerio_, AndresRSaenz, markus spiske, davitydave, torbakhopper, vastateparksstaff, USDAgov, John Pannell, Kevin M. Gill, Philippe Put, dan_walk, Mikael Colville-Andersen, jeffreyw, Harald Groven, thejaan, Franck_Michel, tompagenet, Ruth and Dave, Iuri Medeiros, gagilas, Philippe Put, mru24, Sports Cars Fan, Filip Chudoba Performance., ThoseGuys119, Rod Waddington, mohd fahmi, chefranden, _dChris, donnierayjones, vwynx, Drew's Photo Shoots, quinn.anya, _Dinkel_, Luis Marina, Nithi clicks, torbakhopper, donnierayjones, edenpictures, Daddy-David, mikecogh, Joey Z1, Rod Waddington, donnierayjones, beltz6, Daddy-David, quinn.anya, stevendepolo, N Medd, www.audio-luci-store.it, Nithi clicks, aqua.mech, dickdotcom, x1klima, donnierayjones, andrewtoskin, urbanlatinfemale, Ronnie Macdonald, thejaan, Dean Hochman, Henry Hemming, Jim Bauer, beltz6, 3liz4, iggyshoot, kellyv, donnierayjones, Donna McNiel, Chris Hunkeler, torbakhopper, Felipe Fernandes Photography, Www.CourtneyCarmody.com/, roseannadana: Thank you for 3 million views, velmegunar, kiera.chan, Tomek Nacho, tdlucas5000, gagilas, Keoni Cabral, The U.S. Army, Street Photography Addict, jasonbolonski, Contando Estrelas, Barbara Bonanno BNNRRB, rayography, Simon Blackley, Simon Blackley, uyht, rachel_titiriga, kellyv, pixiduc, Pleuntje, alexisjordanlewis, Tony Webster, samswitzer, tedeytan, Keoni Cabral, meeekn, maf04, Mark J Devine, #ZS, ordjuret, rcadby14, Art Dino, Mr Moss, darraghoconnor12, cogdogblog, Daddy-David, Jim Larrison, myeralan, Eric Kilby, eekim, Tatters ❀, jakesmome, ragesoss, Charlie Day DaytimeStudios, T I M E L E S S, ScottMPhotos1, donnierayjones, ToGa Wanderings, rendy cipta muliawan, **** j a z z z i ***
  • Home
  • Counseling
    • Resources
  • Parenting
  • Astrology
    • Register
    • Astrology information form
  • About
  • Blog