It's Okay to Say 'No'

I write so often about emotions and how we can feel them without being hijacked by them, not because emotions themselves are so important but because being afraid of difficult emotions makes us run from a lot of experiences. If we're going to be able to say 'no' to our kids, we have to be ready and able to handle their feelings about it.

Do you find yourself shying away from saying no because:

• you're in a public place and don't want to deal with the fuss?
• another child is napping, doing homework, or not feeling well and you don't want them to be disturbed?
• the windows are open and you don't want your neighbors to hear your child have a tantrum?
• you're afraid that your child will do or say things that are terrible?
• you're just too tired to deal with the reaction?

If so, you may be nurturing your child's will rather than their emotional maturity. Emotional maturity develops when a child learns to experience getting what they want and not getting what they want. We aren't supporting their maturity by keeping them cheerful! We support them when we stay real and let the emotions erupt as necessary.

When it's time to say 'no,' let's do it! Let's live with the consequences whether it's a missed nap or a judgmental neighbor rather than tiptoe around our kids' moods. And let's support each other in this, recognizing that a parent with a child who's melting down needs a friendly look rather than criticism.

---