Connecting with Ourselves

And (continuing from the past couple of days), the 'standing with' we can do as parents isn't only for our kids! Even as we're showing up as competent adults in the world, we carry these tender, vulnerable little kids around inside of us. Everything you experienced as a little one is still with you. The emotional experiences you had without the support of caring adults rise up sometimes, and when that happens it can feel like being taken over by an irrational child, an abandoned kid, or an angry teen.
Learning to stay close to that inner kid--loving yourself even as you're angry or scared or feeling abandoned with the weight of the world on your shoulders--is the most powerful thing I've ever practiced. Want to try?
Next time you're feeling something strong, you could try this.

• Turn toward the feeling and sense it. What's it like in your body?
• Name it.
  
• Imagine there's a little child or creature in you feeling it. Put a hand on your chest and belly if that feels comfortable and talk to that child. Tell them, 'I'm here. I love you. I know you're feeling ____.'
• Stay with the child without letting them take over. Don't yell, shoot off the email, break something, instead tend to the feelings.
• After a bit, some of the intensity may pass.

When you do this, it may feel really hard. The emotions may seem to disappear when you try to pay attention to them or they may expand. You may need to use tools to care for yourself, sometimes it helps to move, take deep breaths with strong exhales, wrap up in something cozy, journal about your feelings, or even drink some water. You may feel deep old feelings that didn't get cared for when you were younger. It's okay.
Just like our kids deserve to know that we can handle their messy feelings, we deserve to know that for ourselves.

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