THE IMPERFECT JOURNEY
  • Home
  • Counseling
    • Resources
  • Parenting
  • Astrology
    • Register
    • Astrology information form
  • About
  • Blog

Taking Care of Emotions

9/20/2019

1 Comment

 
When I started practicing mindfulness, I desperately wanted to control my temper. I went from calm to furious in moments and couldn't seem to break the habit of losing my temper. Most days ended with unhappy kids and me full of regret and remorse for my latest outburst.

Controlling my temper didn't get easier, even once I had a practice. I knew what should help, and tried a lot of different ways to settle myself. Stop and take a breath--nope. Count to 10--nope. Just calm down--definitely nope. Walk away for a minute--nope.

One day I read about a mindfulness jar--a jar of water with dirt and sand mixed in. The idea is that the water is our clear, true nature. The jar is the discipline, the container. And the dirt and sand (this was a long time ago, lots of people use glitter now) are the emotions or challenging situations. When I got upset, I could shake the jar and be still until the water cleared.

I made one and told my kids about it. When I was upset, I would shake the jar and be quiet until the water was clear.

This gave me a focus to turn inward, sitting with my own discomfort and feelings and confusion and shame rather than spewing them out onto my kids. It was what I wanted to do, and at the same time one of the hardest things I've ever practiced. Sometimes I would actually sit with my hands over my mouth to keep quiet. But it worked, I was usually able to be still, and once the water cleared my anger had settled enough to allow me to talk without attacking.

After a while I learned what has turned out to be the most important thing for me, to hold the emotions lovingly rather than fight against them (deep bow of gratitude to Thich Nhat Hanh). I began to sit still and imagine holding my big feelings like they were a baby--gently and with openness. This brought me into a new relationship with my feelings. Years of squashing feelings hadn't worked, but the combination of discipline--being still while watching a jar of dirty water, and curiosity--noticing and holding the feelings with tenderness, really changed everything.
It's been about fifteen years since I made that first mindfulness jar. Awareness of emotions is  something that I still need to practice. The jar, the practice, and the friendly relationship with emotions have transformed how I relate to myself and my family and the world.

1 Comment

    About Gloria:

    I'm a person on a messy journey--healing, learning, discovering and rediscovering. Sharing, writing, talking, and teaching help me to understand myself and the world more clearly. I hope it can help make your journey a easier, too.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    April 2022
    March 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2020
    September 2019
    August 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Adolescence
    Awareness
    Boundaries
    Communication
    Control
    Curiosity
    Discipline
    Emotions
    Gratitude
    Imperfection
    Interdependence
    Love
    Mindfulness
    Over-thinking
    Peace
    Poetry
    Presence
    Recommended Books
    Routines
    Self Care
    Small Moments
    Sovereignty
    Strategies
    Stress
    Teaching
    The Shadow

Join email list

* indicates required

Gloria Shepard, M. Ed.

215 313-8587
gloriashepard@gmail.com


“The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

Photos used under Creative Commons from kellynphillong, baofengwuya, benjaflynn, adrianvfloyd, @lattefarsan, Toon van Dijk - Art, Jeromy_S, Infomastern, Aaron T. Goodman, built4love.hain, MaxIFaleel, Nick Harris1, Agnes_F, Pai Shih, Sten Dueland, astrologyphotographywesildssharon, donnierayjones, amira_a, www.FrancescoToluPhotography.com, US Department of Education, Bev Goodwin, Michel Curi, byzantiumbooks, Life Lenses, x1klima, la cegna, Franklin Park Library, Bambi Corro, Jerk Alert Productions, young@art, Army Medicine, built4love.hain, Brian Lane Winfield Moore, asim chaudhuri(anurupa_chowdhury_yahoo.co.in, Malmerio_, AndresRSaenz, markus spiske, davitydave, torbakhopper, vastateparksstaff, USDAgov, John Pannell, Kevin M. Gill, Philippe Put, dan_walk, Mikael Colville-Andersen, jeffreyw, Harald Groven, thejaan, Franck_Michel, tompagenet, Ruth and Dave, Iuri Medeiros, gagilas, Philippe Put, mru24, Sports Cars Fan, Filip Chudoba Performance., ThoseGuys119, Rod Waddington, mohd fahmi, chefranden, _dChris, donnierayjones, vwynx, Drew's Photo Shoots, quinn.anya, _Dinkel_, Luis Marina, Nithi clicks, torbakhopper, donnierayjones, edenpictures, Daddy-David, mikecogh, Joey Z1, Rod Waddington, donnierayjones, beltz6, Daddy-David, quinn.anya, stevendepolo, N Medd, www.audio-luci-store.it, Nithi clicks, aqua.mech, dickdotcom, x1klima, donnierayjones, andrewtoskin, urbanlatinfemale, Ronnie Macdonald, thejaan, Dean Hochman, Henry Hemming, Jim Bauer, beltz6, 3liz4, iggyshoot, kellyv, donnierayjones, Donna McNiel, Chris Hunkeler, torbakhopper, Felipe Fernandes Photography, Www.CourtneyCarmody.com/, roseannadana: Thank you for 3 million views, velmegunar, kiera.chan, Tomek Nacho, tdlucas5000, gagilas, Keoni Cabral, The U.S. Army, Street Photography Addict, jasonbolonski, Contando Estrelas, Barbara Bonanno BNNRRB, rayography, Simon Blackley, Simon Blackley, uyht, rachel_titiriga, kellyv, pixiduc, Pleuntje, alexisjordanlewis, Tony Webster, samswitzer, tedeytan, Keoni Cabral, meeekn, maf04, Mark J Devine, #ZS, ordjuret, rcadby14, Art Dino, Mr Moss, darraghoconnor12, cogdogblog, Daddy-David, Jim Larrison, myeralan, Eric Kilby, eekim, Tatters ❀, jakesmome, ragesoss, Charlie Day DaytimeStudios, T I M E L E S S, ScottMPhotos1, donnierayjones, ToGa Wanderings, rendy cipta muliawan, **** j a z z z i ***
  • Home
  • Counseling
    • Resources
  • Parenting
  • Astrology
    • Register
    • Astrology information form
  • About
  • Blog