Almost every day people tell me how they're feeling with the disclaimer, "It doesn't make any sense."
Almost every day, I gently explain that it does make sense. Our feelings make a kind of sense that isn't intellectual.
To understand ourselves, though (which is one of the most healing things we can do), we have to attune to our bodies and hearts.
'My heart feels heavy.'
'My legs are shaking.'
'Everything feels so hopeless.'
'I feel so angry about everything.'
Then we offer some tenderness. Imagine saying to yourself, "I am here for you." Then offering one bit of tender care--soft words, a stretch, emotional acknowledgment, a drink of water, a minute to rest your feet in the grass.
As parents, we get stressed
because we're tired,
because our kids are often unreasonable,
because we often take care of other people's needs before our own,
because there is so much to do,
and for a million other reasons.
But we get triggered because there's an unmet need inside of us that something is waking up.
When this happens, notice your thoughts and words. Maybe you think or say,
"Why doesn't anyone think about me?"
"You better listen to me right now!"
"It's not my fault you didn't do your homework/chores/piano practice."
"Get in this car right now or I will throw every toy you own in the trash."
Or a million other things. What we say hints at the underlying unmet need. Our kids can't meet the need for us, and even our parents can't meet the need. It's internalized into us now, and that's where we need to meet it.
I'm a person on a messy journey--healing, learning, discovering and rediscovering. Sharing, writing, talking, and teaching help me to understand myself and the world more clearly. I hope it can help make your journey a easier, too.