I was outside, weeding and fretting about college. My son needs to decide this week where he'll go. I'm freaking out because it's so expensive. We haven't saved enough money for it. He didn't get as much financial aid as I would have liked. The whole college system is pretty *#@*ed up.
And then in a moment, I realized how lucky I am to have these worries. I wasn't trying to talk myself out of worrying, I just suddenly saw what a privilege it is to worry about this. It sounds dramatic, but I am truly lucky that he is alive. There are parents who don't have the luxury of worrying about how to pay for college. We are so fortunate to have this problem!
It could have been a different situation. Honestly, I can get worried about so many of the small things. The problems in my life are mostly in my own thinking, in my habit of arguing with reality. Having a mindfulness practice has brought me more peace over the years as I've learned to recognize the thoughts as they happen. Still I've got this habit of getting lost in thoughts of what I want and what I think 'should' be. Today I was lucky, I came back to the here and now with gratitude.
I'm a mom, wife, daughter, friend, and teacher who has long struggled with the desire to be the perfect person I imagine that I should be. Practicing mindfulness has changed my life, helping me to make peace with myself as I truly am and to appreciate my family, life, and the world as they actually are.