Writing so much lately about boundaries has me reexamining all sorts of boundaries, including the ones I set for myself. With children, we want to be 'the captain' as Susan Stiffelman says, being in charge of the big picture and setting clear limits with love.
Setting limits for myself is hard, whether I'm trying to cut out sugar or stop yelling at my kids. What I can easily forget while getting more and more frustrated with myself, is that I need to handle myself like I would handle one of my kids or a student, with connection, love, listening, and clarity. Self-boundaries, just like boundaries with our children, need to develop out of deep listening (to the parts of ourselves that are having trouble), love and connection, generosity, and clarity.
So if you, like me, are trying to change any deep patterns or established habits, remember to:
As a mom (to 2 teenage sons), wife, and person in the world, I have been on a long imperfect journey. I have made many mistakes, but with mindfulness, emotional reflection, and lots of support I have learned enormously from those mistakes.